The OUTLook: Stimulating the Economy one Check at a Time

What does one do when the paychecks stop coming in? Does a lack of income mean it’s time to pull out the old burlap bag and use it as a shirt with a frayed rope belt and plastic bags for shoes? Ha, not if you live in West Hollywood or Chelsea!

It just means that your unemployement check has to be balanced with more care than any budget you’ve balanced at work. You have to cut out certain routines in order to stretch a $400 check as far as it will possibly go. Uncle Sam wants you to look good. And if you don’t, that bitter queen will talk behind your back.

I’m not suggesting that everyone should hop aboard a free ride from the government, but for those of us unfortunate enough to get a pink slip from work, it’s not the end of your social life. For me it just means dinners are spent at home, and drinks are spent flirting with the bartender for free cocktails. Remember that Dirty Martinis are zero calories and you can eat quite a few green olives to fill you up if you want to save on the grocery bill. Bar fruit is key. And for those of you that don’t feel you have the confidence to beg for free drinks, congratulations the flask is becoming popular again, and fruit juice at a bar is still somewhat reasonable. Just don’t get caught mixing your own drink because that’s still tacky.

Some other big savers: Utilities, credit card payments, and gym memberships. Credit card payments are once again only the minimum balance, which frees up just enough space for another small adventure to Barney’s. The gym to gays is like Sunday Mass to true Catholics, so that can’t be given up. Fortunately, people are wising up about the $150/month gym membership and switching over to one of the many $29.99/month gyms popping up all over the country. Clothes only look as good as the body they are hung on, so with all your extra time spend it working on your summer body.

If you balance the budget accordingly then you might end up with an entire weekly unemployment check just to use on yourself. There are tons of great deals online for designer apparel, and no one will ever know that you didn’t go on one of your shopping sprees ages ago just to unveil your new threads Friday night, cause there’s just sooooo much in your closet you couldn’t pick. Pick yourself up a new pair of sunglasses. You can wear the same pair all season long and it directs attention away from the articles of clothing that you wore last year. After all, it won’t matter what you wear if you have deep crows feet from squinting all the time. Get Big Sunglasses!